3 weeks into 2016 and I already feel drained. After a boozy night with my old friends from secondary school, I have returned to university with high hopes of achieving the goals I set out in 2015 to accomplish - improve my self confidence, work hard for my exams, be more optimistic about life and wait with open arms with what the world has to throw at me. And to say the least, the world has definitely thrown.
It appears that I hit a string of bad luck throughout these weeks, almost as if a constant dark cloud has followed me over my head. University work has been far more stressful than I could've imagined, many signs point the procrastination of the Christmas holidays and the excitement of seeing my friends. Ironically, I decided to plan out my days so I can be on top of things for the upcoming new year. This proved to be unsuccessful and the story goes from there...
I felt extremely disappointed by the coursework I produced for my university due to not having it complete and my references being faulty, leading me to freak out every 5 minutes that I will get called in for plagiarism. I failed to complete it and felt it was under my full potential. Exams have caused me to have an extremely restricted sleeping pattern as I have constantly been pulling all nighters in the library with fellow law students that are cramming in every little detail. The intensity simply increases day by day and all you can think about is when your next nap will be. Slightly anxious, agitated and angry, I was unlucky enough to lose my bus pass, a fire alarm went off in the library, the day before my first exam and by accident, I split a whole can of Monster energy drink 5 minutes before I was supposed to catch my bus for an exam in my printer. I also had several arguments with my friends due to the stress caused by my life choices.
Luckily, from today, everything appeared to have changed. I feel extremely empowered because I reminded myself of the positive things I have in my life and this flurry of negative consequences that have occurred recently doesn't balance to the bigger things in context. My flatmates at uni have been incredibly supportive of me, always willing to listen to my problems and put a smile on my face. I am healthy, a family that support me and I have the intelligence, motivation and power to carry through the thick and thin aspects of life. By going through mistakes, challenges, you begin to see things in a different light and at the end of it is in the fact the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that February and the remaining 11 months of this year will help me evolve into a better person and that luck will be on my side. It is really easy to forget what's most important in your life.
In a month, I will be celebrating my birthday for the first time away from home in Liverpool which will be extremely exciting! So, cheers to a happy new year. None of this new year, new me - this is me, it always has been and we are going to move forwards, not backwards.
